Am I That Old / Young?

May 27, 2022


Sambil masak makanan untuk lunch, saya pasang lah lagu kat YouTube. Macam biasa, saya akan buka Korean OST / piano instrumental, tambah lagi kalau dapat bakar scented candle... fuhh, antara me-time yang best. 



Oh, hari ni tak kerja sebab ada kursus online. Dah lama sebenarnya menunggu kursus ni, sejak timbulnya nekad nak keluar cari rezeki kat tempat lain. And finally, it is here! Hehe done first day, esok ada lagi, Ahad pun. Mudah-mudahan berkat semua ilmunya. 

Berbalik pada lagu tadi, sedar tak sedar lagu tu dah keluar sejak 2012. Means, masa tu tengah berada di perantauan. Kawan-kawan memang jadi keluarga lah kat sana, antara benda kita buat bila nak spend time together ialah layan lagu-lagu Korea ni. Hehe. 

Now I feel old. Cuma tu lah, kadang-kadang tak sedar pun diri ni dah cecah 30an. Sebab rasa macam muda je lagi. To be honest, bila kerja kat klinik jumpa dengan pesakit yang pelbagai, quite a number jugak yang akan tanya umur. Haha taktahu la nak kata soalan tu sensitif ke tak tapi bila kita suruh dia teka, "hmmm, awal 20an?, tapi muda sangat lah pulak nak jadi doktor." 

Is it a compliment? Haha

Pernah sekali ada pesakit umur 40an masuk, ayat pertama dia, "doktor ni mudanya, welcome to the real life." Gelak je lah sebab bila kita bagitahu umur, tak faham kenapa pesakit nak terkejut sangat. Takde la kita ni nampak muda sangat punnn.



Atau mungkin generasi sekarang nampak lebih matang dari zaman dulu-dulu?

Anyway... kursus tadi tentang perancangan keluarga, antara bread and butter kalau staff kesihatan nak santuni masyarakat sebab sangat penting untuk pastikan keluarga dirancang sebaiknya supaya ahli keluarga kita berkualiti. Walaupun belum dikurniakan rezeki cahaya mata, insyAllah ilmu-ilmu tu sangat bermanfaat untuk saya sendiri untuk diamalkan di kemudian hari. Antara isu yang dikupaskan ialah tentang teenage pregnancy. Daripada graf, nampak yang jumlah teenage pregnancy berkurang tahun demi tahun, tapi itu tak bermakna remaja kita tak terdedah dengan hubungan di luar nikah. Dan dengan perkembangan Internet sekarang ni, mudah sangat untuk seseorang cari jalan untuk gugurkan kandungan. Sedih. 



Masa jadi houseman dulu, beberapa kali juga rawat wanita yang hamil luar nikah (bukan kandungan pertama ya). Sebab ini dah kandungan kelima, pakar menyarankan beliau untuk ikat saluran peranakan. Sebab diri sendiri pun beliau tak mampu jaga, ahli keluarga pun tak mampu nak kawal aktiviti beliar, apatah lagi nak mendidik anak-anak yang lahir. Semua anak-anaknya diserahkan pada Jabatan Kebajikan Masyarakat. 

Terkadang timbul rasa cemburu dan kecewa bila kita menanti cahaya mata manakala ada orang yang begitu mudah sekali mengabaikan zuriat yang Allah dah beri. Tapi memang kena selalu istighfar, kena sentiasa yakin yang rezeki Allah bagi insyAllah sentiasa tepat pada masanya, di saat kita sebenarnya bersedia sepenuhnya. Usaha, doa, tawakal. InsyAllah. 

Nanti kalau ada kesempatan, saya share lebih tentang input kursus. Banyak ilmu perubatan tapi akan cuba kongsi dari sudut pandang masyarakat. :)

Doakan kami dikurniakan cahaya mata yang sihat, sejuk mata memandang dan boleh bawa kami ke syurga. Ameen.

Desa Mentari
27.05.2022


Every Moment Matters

March 22, 2022

Seems like lesser people read blog these days. Maybe I should redivert my thought instead of mainstream medium to blogging. It feels like yesterday when it was during my undergraduate phase to be exact, blog is like an open diary. Though it is not really a personal diary but sharing my life and experience here feels good, to meet friends with the same interest of writing is awesome too. But I think now people write more on Facebook, Instagram as more audience (?) maybe. 




My blogging journey incredibly reduced during housemanship and even less after I became a medical officer. Blame the hectic working life, honestly. But I did tried to find some free times to write few informal articles or maybe just sharing about medicine and health. I posted on Facebook instead for people to read and gain something (hopefully).


Life has been a roller coaster since then.
I was in various places within 2years of my MOship, somehow I don't regret it despite occasionally I felt tired and annoyed of doing it (I meant, transferring workplace). 

Emergency and Trauma
Paeds General
Surgical Oncology
Paeds General (again)
Paeds Covid
Paeds General (also again - back to so called base)
Paeds Endocrine


How can I adapt in totally different working environments, saving lives some more?
Surprisingly, I survived. Alhamdulillah.


There was one point, I lost passion. I did not even understand what were I doing. Being transferred here and there as in I was an invaluable ball. I woke up few times in the middle of night despite it was not my oncall night, unable to return back to sleep. Waking up, I felt heavy, can I survive working today? I was totally not looking forward for another day in the hospital. My sleeping pattern became terrible.  


There.


Till one day, I don't feel totally good with myself. I got sick easily. I skipped meals. I performed my prayers late. 


Colleagues, most are awesome and a few are not. Betrayal, talking behind your back, query about your medical leaves (when I was actually survived my housemanship without a single emergency leave / medical certificate). People always say 'remember the Hippocratic Oath' the so called infamous 'Do no harm.' oh yea, I agree, my ultimate goal in my career is always to be a safe doctor. I believe most doctors have this vision.


But, if doing so affected my own health so much, I finally know something is not right. I want to contribute to the community but maybe this is not the place. 


That's it. I finally made my decision. To explore the rest of medical fields that may offer any opportunities to grow and learn so that I can still practice as a certified medical officer with a more work-life balance. 


I can say I am healthier and happier.
The journey is still long, surely going to be windy. I pray Allah will always lead me through it.  
I believe Allah's rizq is everywhere and insyAllah there will be something for me, ameen. 


Pray for me. :)



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